Post by MTMT on Aug 20, 2009 13:15:47 GMT -4
So, last night, my flight was supposed to leave at 7:45 PM Eastern Time from Philly, and get in at 9:45 PM Central Time.
Here's what happened. I'll do the semi-boring stuff first, with some humor to make it less boring.
-Flight got delayed an hour. I go to a bar and drink a bit. Not drunk.
-I go back to the gate with 20 mins still to spare, only to have a mini-heart attack as the gate lists a different city than Kansas City. I panic for about five seconds, before realizing they just changed the gate, and did not, in fact, play an elaborate practical joke on me.
-We board the plane, finally. It's small and crowded. I sit by a slightly larger woman, giving me less room. But she's nice and offers me gum.
-We stay on the taxi for about 45 minutes. I now regret not being drunk.
-We finally take off. Despite my regrets of not being drunk, I realize I don't want to pay $7 for one drink. I instead get a ginger ale, thinking at the very least, "ale" is in the name.
-I'm listening to my iPhone, but shut it off when it tells me that it only has 20% battery left. I turn on my laptop and listen to iTunes and work on my screenplay. It too runs out of battery. Now I have nothing to do. A $7 drink sounds really, really tempting. But alas, it was too late.
Now here's where the shit hits the fan.
The captain tells us we should be landing in KC in about 15 minutes. Finally. He mentions that there's a storm to our left, but that we'll avoid it.
About a minute after said announcement, I look to my right to see thunder. "It's pretty," I think to myself.
Suddenly, we go through a cloud... and we hit turbulance like a bitch. Had I not been a responsible seatbelted passenger, I would have hit my head on the ceiling. I'm clinging to my armrest with a grip so hard I'm surprised I didn't bend it.
This lasts about 30 seconds. It felt like ten minutes.
We get through it. I breathe again.
And then it happens again.
And again.
And many more times.
Now I'm actually glad I'm not drunk, because drunk + heavy turbulence = heavy vomiting.
And now I'm thinking... "Am I going to die?" Seriously. I was in an emergency landing situation when I was 11 years old- in which I told myself afterward that I would never fly again. But I've flown again. Many times. I haven't had any major issues since then. Until now.
Suddenly, the pilot tells us that the storm must have suddenly come up, because it wasn't appearing on his Doppler, nor was it on the KC Tower's Doppler. I suddenly theorize that this is not a storm, but rather the Smoke Monster from Lost. Then I remember that I'm on a doomed airplane and could possibly die. Plus, I don't see how the Island could possibly be somewhere between Philly and KC, which is mostly landlocked (save for a few rivers and lakes).
They tell us that they are going to attempt to land safely... we descent into the final cloud, and the worst. We're in it for about two minutes. And I'm looking out the window, hoping like hell that I'm going to see the ground- but all I can see is the cloud we're surrounding in. The ENTIRE time.
I start singing to myself... "Peggy Sue, Peggy Sue, pretty pretty pretty pretty Peggy Sue."*
Finally, we escape the cloud... by getting the fuck out of Kansas City.
We end up going to Wichita. I have to Witchitaian friends I go to school with, who I think about calling and begging to spend the night. Then I realize that one is on tour, and I think the other is back at school already. So I figured I'd be staying the night at the Wichita airport.
But then the pilot (who's voice I was sick of by this point- not because it was unpleasant, but rather because it was giving a lot of bad news) told us that we would be staying in the plane until they refuel and do some paperwork. That takes about 45 minutes.
Then a 40 minute plane back to a now clearish KC (we passed through one more cloud, but it was only slightly bumpy). And we land at 1:15 am.
Long story short-
I'm never flying again.
Also- I love you all.
*This is the one humorous part of the story that's actually true. Yes, I stole the joke from Almost Famous. But it still felt appropriate.
Here's what happened. I'll do the semi-boring stuff first, with some humor to make it less boring.
-Flight got delayed an hour. I go to a bar and drink a bit. Not drunk.
-I go back to the gate with 20 mins still to spare, only to have a mini-heart attack as the gate lists a different city than Kansas City. I panic for about five seconds, before realizing they just changed the gate, and did not, in fact, play an elaborate practical joke on me.
-We board the plane, finally. It's small and crowded. I sit by a slightly larger woman, giving me less room. But she's nice and offers me gum.
-We stay on the taxi for about 45 minutes. I now regret not being drunk.
-We finally take off. Despite my regrets of not being drunk, I realize I don't want to pay $7 for one drink. I instead get a ginger ale, thinking at the very least, "ale" is in the name.
-I'm listening to my iPhone, but shut it off when it tells me that it only has 20% battery left. I turn on my laptop and listen to iTunes and work on my screenplay. It too runs out of battery. Now I have nothing to do. A $7 drink sounds really, really tempting. But alas, it was too late.
Now here's where the shit hits the fan.
The captain tells us we should be landing in KC in about 15 minutes. Finally. He mentions that there's a storm to our left, but that we'll avoid it.
About a minute after said announcement, I look to my right to see thunder. "It's pretty," I think to myself.
Suddenly, we go through a cloud... and we hit turbulance like a bitch. Had I not been a responsible seatbelted passenger, I would have hit my head on the ceiling. I'm clinging to my armrest with a grip so hard I'm surprised I didn't bend it.
This lasts about 30 seconds. It felt like ten minutes.
We get through it. I breathe again.
And then it happens again.
And again.
And many more times.
Now I'm actually glad I'm not drunk, because drunk + heavy turbulence = heavy vomiting.
And now I'm thinking... "Am I going to die?" Seriously. I was in an emergency landing situation when I was 11 years old- in which I told myself afterward that I would never fly again. But I've flown again. Many times. I haven't had any major issues since then. Until now.
Suddenly, the pilot tells us that the storm must have suddenly come up, because it wasn't appearing on his Doppler, nor was it on the KC Tower's Doppler. I suddenly theorize that this is not a storm, but rather the Smoke Monster from Lost. Then I remember that I'm on a doomed airplane and could possibly die. Plus, I don't see how the Island could possibly be somewhere between Philly and KC, which is mostly landlocked (save for a few rivers and lakes).
They tell us that they are going to attempt to land safely... we descent into the final cloud, and the worst. We're in it for about two minutes. And I'm looking out the window, hoping like hell that I'm going to see the ground- but all I can see is the cloud we're surrounding in. The ENTIRE time.
I start singing to myself... "Peggy Sue, Peggy Sue, pretty pretty pretty pretty Peggy Sue."*
Finally, we escape the cloud... by getting the fuck out of Kansas City.
We end up going to Wichita. I have to Witchitaian friends I go to school with, who I think about calling and begging to spend the night. Then I realize that one is on tour, and I think the other is back at school already. So I figured I'd be staying the night at the Wichita airport.
But then the pilot (who's voice I was sick of by this point- not because it was unpleasant, but rather because it was giving a lot of bad news) told us that we would be staying in the plane until they refuel and do some paperwork. That takes about 45 minutes.
Then a 40 minute plane back to a now clearish KC (we passed through one more cloud, but it was only slightly bumpy). And we land at 1:15 am.
Long story short-
I'm never flying again.
Also- I love you all.
*This is the one humorous part of the story that's actually true. Yes, I stole the joke from Almost Famous. But it still felt appropriate.
