Brando, Eat Your Heart Out

[Anthony Jordan]

*The scene opens up in the backstage area where the former Undisputed World Champion is shown leaning against a wall in the hallway. He exhales to complete the look of boredom.*

Jordan: "When am I going to wake up from this? Am I in a coma or something?"

*A few seconds later, Scorpion walks up in his all white suit complete with a white fedora (btw, I really want a fedora. I know you disagree with me wearing it, Sean, but I think I can pull it off). Pulling a toothpick out of his mouth as he reaches "The Role Model," Scorpion speaks.*

Scorpion: "The boss, Don Ripper, requests your presence."

Jordan: "Nice get-up."

*Jordan flicks Scorpion's fedora off his head. Scorpion scrambles to pick it up.*

Scorpion: "My mobster persona...RUINED!"

*He puts the fedora back on and places the toothpick back in his mouth.*

Scorpion: "Restored."

Jordan: "Anyway, Ripper's real name is Greg, not Don. Timmy Draven instituted a policy against hiring people named 'Don,' anyway."

*Jordan turns to the camera and gives a sly smirk before going back to Scorpion.*

Scorpion: "'Don' is a title of power in the mob, capice?"

Jordan: "I got all of that except the end. What do long, girly shorts have to do with the mob?"

Scorpion: "Not capris, capice! It's Italian for 'understand,' capice?"

Jordan: "All right, Backstreet Boy. I will play along."

Scorpion: "'Backstreet Boy?'"

Jordan: "Yeah, Mister All White Boy Band Suit."

Scorpion: "This is tough! It intimidates people. Makes them leave me alone, if they see me on the streets."

Jordan: "The only thing leaving is your heterosexuality, and it is going 'Bye, Bye, Bye.'"

*Jordan completes the N'Sync dance and gives his goofy grin.*

Scorpion: "And you're questioning my sexuality? Anyway, follow me."

*Jordan rolls his eyes and follows Scorpion. They walk five feet and come to a door. Jordan shakes his head.*

Jordan: "Had to get someone to find me when he is five feet away. New low, Greg."

*Scorpion opens the door and smoke flows out of the room. The camera enters the room to see Ripper seated at a chair behind a desk. He's wearing a nice suit with the Undisputed World Title chained to it. He motions for Jordan to have a seat, and 'The Role Model' complies. Ripper begins speaking in a horrible hybrid of Scottish and Marlon Brando's Italian accents.*

Ripper: "Before we begin, I have important business to handle."

*He motions for Scorpion to come over and whispers something into his ear. Scorpion nods and disappears.*

Ripper: "If we don't get the smoke machine back before five o'clock, we lose our deposit."

*Jordan nods.*

Jordan: "Nice production value."

Ripper: "Thank you. Now to our business. You come to me wanting a favor..."

*Jordan interrupts.*

Jordan: "Not really, you summoned me."

*Ripper glares at his foe/ally (fal-ly, if you will).*

Ripper: "You ask me to kill a man I don't know..."

*Jordan interrupts again.*

Jordan: "Never happened."

*Ripper slams his hands on the desk. He goes back to his normal accent.*

Ripper: "Dammit, AJ, would it kill you to play along?"

Jordan: "It could. I am in a dream, so if I die here, I die in real life. I have to be extra careful."

Ripper: "That makes no sense. That means you are just as vulnerable as you ever are."

*Jordan shrugs.*

Jordan: "Want to go back to the main plot line?"

Ripper: "Not my fault we deviated from it."

*"The Virus" gives a condescending look. Jordan sighs.*

Jordan: "Oh, Don Ripper, why have you summoned me?"

*Ripper goes back to his bad accent.*

Ripper: "As you yourself may currently be aware of, my grammar is awful AND we are in a ten man elimination cage match."

*Jordan nods and motions for Ripper to continue. Ripper coughs and goes back to his Scottish accent.*

Ripper: "Quit trying to rush me! It hurts my throat to do the accent!"

*Ripper takes a few seconds to build his voice back up and continues.*

Ripper: "I have already stated that my intentions aren't to win, so I'm gonna make you an offer you can't refuse."

Jordan: "I can say 'no.' It is not like some offer can strip me of my free will."

*Ripper glares at Jordan.*

Jordan: "Miss being the comedic smart aleck of the our dynamic?"

Ripper: "Indeed."

Jordan: "Just give me the title, and things can go back to how they were."

Ripper: "Great idea."

*Ripper reaches down to unhook the title, then extends his hand toward Jordan and flips him off.*

Jordan: "Classy."

Ripper: "Anyway, as I said, I don't care to win the match. All I want is Cash, so as long as you vow to leave him alone, I will help you battle the seven others. Do we have a deal?"

Jordan: "Since this is not real, sure!"

*Jordan goes to extend his hand. How will Ripper respond?*

[Gregory "Ripper" Kennedy]

:: Ripper reaches over and shakes Anthony Jordan’s hand. Before leaning back in his chair::

Ripper: “You have made a very wise choice Mr. Jordan.”

AJ: “We’re going with Mr now? Isn’t that a bit formal.”

Ripper: “In this business there is no such thing as too formal. You would well remember that Mr. Jordan. Should this Mondays agreement come to a satisfactory conclusion I may even consider making you a Soldato.”

AJ: “Thanks. I think. Is that the oval cookies with a chocolate center?”

Ripper: “That’s a Milano you idiot. A Soldato is a made man. Of course if you’re going to be a made man you are going to have to stop babbiling on about how you’re in a dream.”

AJ: “But this is a dream. It’s the only reason any of this makes sense.”

Ripper: “My Consigliere assures me that this is not a dream Mr. Jordan and I have a way to prove it to you.”

AJ: “Consigliere?”

Ripper: “Scorpion.”

:: Saying that Ripper stands up and walks around the table towards Jordan. Ripper sits down on the table right beside AJ and reaches up to take of his black Fedora. Laying it on the table Ripper chuckles a bit before viciously slapping AJ across the face. The slap echos through the room for a while before the sound receeds and AJ looks back to Ripper.::

AJ: “How does that prove that it’s not a dream?”

Ripper: “Mr. Jordan in a dream you cannot be hurt. As you have just felt pain this cannon be a dream.”

AJ: “Who said that hurt?”

Ripper: “Judging by the gritting of the teeth and the tears you”

AJ: “I’m not crying. You just got me in the eye is all. Anyway couldn’t you have just punched me?”

:: Ripper chucks and stands up walking back around the table to his Don chair.::

Ripper: “Ahh but Mr. Jordan.”

:: Ripper quickly switches back into his usual accent and manner of talking::

Ripper: “Where would the fun in that be. Now if you don’t mind this sketch is over please leave.”

:: Ripper makes the shooing motion towards Jordan as he pulls a piece of a paper out of a drawer and lifts a pen from its stand on his desk. AJ stands and goes to leave only to turn back as he reaches the door::

AJ: “By the way I thought you were poor. How did you afford the desk?”

Ripper: “Easy I stole it.”

AJ: “So whose is it?”

Ripper: “Well it’s mine now. But it may have belonged to Jonas Lee in the past.

[AWA CEO: Mr. Timothy Draven]

* Before AJ can leave the room, the door opens, and in walks Nicholas Jacob Draven. NJD looks over at AJ. *


Nicholas Jacob Draven: Tony J.


* AJ gets an annoyed look on his face. *


Anthony Jordan: Why do you insist on doing that?


Nicholas Jacob Draven: Because it's fucking hilarrrrrrrious!


Anthony Jordan: No it's not.


Nicholas Jacob Draven: Yes it is.


Anthony Jordan: No it's not.


* Ripper stands up and begins to speak with his accent. *


Ripper: Actually, it is pretty funny.


* NJD smiles at AJ. *


Nicholas Jacob Draven: Oh yeah....Draven scores once again.


* AJ gives NJD a look. *


Ripper: Nicky Draven, please, take a seat.


* NJD takes a seat. AJ stands there for a moment, trying to see what's going on. *


Ripper: I'm sure you're wondering why I asked you here.


Nicholas Jacob Draven: Yeah, what's up bro?


Ripper: As you know, we're involved in a ten man elimination match, inside a steel cage.


Nicholas Jacob Draven: Yeah, should be insane.


Ripper: Exactly. Listen Nicky, I've already stated that my intentions aren't to win the match, so I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse.


* NJD smiles. *


Nicholas Jacob Draven: Sweet, I'm all ears.


* AJ is standing in the back ground, blown away. *


Ripper: Nicky, all I care about is Cash, so you vow to leave him alone, and I'll help you battle the other seven. Do we have a deal?


* NJD grabs Rippers hand and shakes it. *


Nicholas Jacob Draven: You're damn right we have a deal. Thanks Ripps.


* AJ can't take it. He jumps into the conversation. *


Anthony Jordan: WAIT A SECOND! You just made the same exact offer to me....


* What happens next? *

[SLAM II]

Karson walks into the scene in his usual attire, only this time he is carrying a portable stereo with him, and his guitar slung around his back.

-Karson- "Hell fire boys its Karson!"

He grins and pushes the play button.



Draven, Jordan, and Ripper look at one another as Karson sits down the stereo, swings his guitar around he stums it one time grins.

-Karson- "This is for you Jordan"

Draven and Ripper stepped back a little taken back.

-Ripper- "This just got weird"

Karson chuckles but begins to play anyways.

-Karson- "Jordan you've just pissed me off with your one track in your own world mind, fucking dreaming wake up bitch..-clears throat-..

Well I've made up my mind I've got better things to do,
then to wasit my fucking time then paying attention to you.
You get on my fucking nerves,
and I don't like you one bit,
I'ma tell you something you ain't nothing but a fucking peice of shit!

YOU AIN'T NOTHING BUT A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!
YOUR A SORRY ASS, STUPID ASS, PEICE OF SHIT!
And the best part of you dripped off your mommas clit,
I'ma tell you your nothing but a fucking peice of shit!"

Karson breaks it down into a guitar solo laughing the whole time.

-Karson- "Well I've made up my mind I don't give a fuck about you,
jumping infront of a bus would be best thing for you to do!
your a fucking fool and nobody likes you, you psycho drama queen bitch!
I'ma tell you something you ain't nothing but a fucking peice of shit!

YOU AIN'T NOTHING BUT A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!
YOUR A SORRY ASS, STUPID ASS, PEICE OF SHIT!
And the best part of you dripped off your mommas clit,
I'ma tell you your nothing but a fucking peice of shit!"

Karson then stops playing his guitar and quickly pushes the button on his stereo.



-Karson- "Thats all I've got to say thanks for your time"

Karson turns to walk away but he stops turns around smiling.

-Karson- "Jordan simpley put...FUCK YOU!"

Karson gives him the finger and a thumbs up, tips his hat, and closes the door as he walks out. Does anything happen?