Plan B

[Anthony Jordan]

*The scene opens up with "The Role Model" sitting in his locker room with Chantelle on their leather couch.*

Jordan: "I may jumped into the deep end assuming Croc would want to be my partner or even be present. Maybe I should have been a little more tolerant of MJ..."

Chantelle: "Oh no, baby."

*She turns and kisses him on the cheek.*

Chantelle: "It was so good to watch you stand up to him. It's something I was always too afraid to do. You gave me the strength to break free of his charm and lies. That means more than any team you could be on."

Jordan: "Yeah, for you, but now I am on my own going into a huge match for the Undisputed World Title. As the alpha male around here, everyone will be gunning for me. I mean, I can totally handle them all,"

*He looks at Chantelle to make sure she's buying in.*

Jordan: "But back up is nice. One knife-wrench to the back, and I might be done."

Chantelle: "Knife-wrench?"

Jordan: "An evil invention of Ripper's to cause me pain."

Chantelle: "Oh."

Jordan: "But maybe there is a silver lining. After I pin MJ, I get one million dollars. Imagine what we could do with that."

*Chantelle moans, as all women do, about what to do with her man's money.*

Jordan: "I was being facetious, you know. It would just go in the pile like the rest of my millions of dollars. You know I like to swim in it like Scrooge McDuck."

Chantelle: "I don't know why you employ a lifeguard. You can't drown in money."

Jordan: "Better safe than sorry."

*Chantelle rolls her eyes as Jordan continues on.*

Jordan: "Plus I get to avenge my loss to Chris Holtz from two years ago. I never did get a rematch, and I have been waiting for this."

Chantelle: "You've never mentioned him once in the year I've known you."

Jordan: "It was brewing revenge. Meant to be felt, not spoken."

Chantelle: "You just choose to remember that to motivate yourself."

*Jordan gives his goofy grin, then kisses Chantelle. After the kiss, she hops up and walks to the door.*

Chantelle: "Got errands to do, babe. You going to be okay?"

Jordan: "Psssssssshhhhh! I can be fine by myself. I do not need to have an assistant or a partner, you know. I am a big boy. I can handle being alone."

*She leaves as Jordan sits on the couch and rocks back and forth.*

Jordan: "Like I need someone else. I am not some attention-starved egomaniac!"

*After a few seconds, he starts shaking and develops a nervous tick.*

Jordan: "I got to get out of here!"

*He stands up and runs to the door. He then composes himself and speaks to the empty room.*

Jordan: "But not because I am lonely!"

*He nods like a tough guy and leaves the room. He walks down the hall and sees Ripper standing outside his own room.*

Jordan: "We have been allies for a while. Maybe he has earned a jump to the big leagues...yeah! He deserves a promotion!"

*Jordan puts on his goofy grin and eagerly jogs to Ripper.*

Jordan: "Hey, Ripper. I was joking about you sucking earlier. Want to turn this alliance into a partnership?"

*Ripper squints at Jordan, then snaps his fingers. Scorpion shows up with a keyboard.*

Ripper: Do you know how much you annoy me? The answer is 'a lot.' Should I list the reasons why? Well, I don't see why not,"

*On that cue, Scorpion starts playing a simple, constant beat usually reserved for songs done in theater pieces.*

Ripper: "Iiiiiiiiiiiiiit's yourrrrrrrrrrr hair, your nose, your chinless face. You always need a hug,"

*Ripper makes a hugging gesture.*

Ripper: "Not to mention all the appletinis, minus vodka and cider, that you chug,
That you think I am your ally just continues to perplex,
And, oh my God, stop telling me when you and MJW have nerdy sex!"

Jordan: "That never happened!"

*Any objection is lost as Ripper continues.*

Ripper: "Now you see, that's the thing you do that drives me up a tree.
'Cause no matter how I rant at you, you never let me be!
So I'm stuck with all your daydreaming, your wish to be my friend and have fun,
It makes me suicidal, and I'm not the only one.
No, I'm not the only one."

*The camera zooms past Ripper to show Hawkbrush mopping the floor. He stops and stands up and begins to sing in baritone as Scorpion stops playing.*

Hawkbrush: "It all started with a penny in the door.
There was a hatred I had never felt before,
So now I'll make him pay, each and every daaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy,
Until that moussed-haired little nuisance...is...noooooooo...morrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

Jordan: "That was Ripper!"

*Again, the truth is just another victim Ripper's latest skit. Scorpion resumes playing.*

Ripper: "So now that is why I call you names like Carol, Jane, and Sue.
Like Moesha, Kim, and Lillian, Suzanne and Betty-Lou
See, regardless of the names I pick, my feelings are quite clear
You're a pain in every day of every month of every year!"

*Ripper snaps his fingers and walks away with Scorpion in tow.*

Jordan: "A simple 'no' would have sufficed."