The Outback

["The Aussie Icon" Croc]

:: The scene opens up with some jazz music playing and Croc sitting behind a desk. Croc looks at the camera after picking up some cue cards::

Croc: G'Day everyone, welcome to the first ever episode of "The Outback" with me... The Aussie Icon Croc

:: Croc looks off stage::

Croc: I told you the show was meant to be called "Croc is better than you show!"
Voice: "Just keep going we can deal with it in editing"
Croc: I thought you said this was live in Australia?
Voice: "It is. But they're not real people! Just keep going, this is all seeming very unprofessional."

:: As if on cue a small lamp falls from off camera on the other side of the screen::

Voice: "My bad"
Croc: You are so unprofessional!

:: Croc looks back to the screen::

Croc: Go fuck yourself Australians!

:: Croc looks back off camera::

Croc: I told you not to screw with my cue cards!!!
Voice: "I wrote what i thought would be good viewing."
Croc: (mumbles to himself) God damn writers strike... Even Will and Grace is more professional than this
Voice: "They have a better host as well"
Croc: Cut his microphone

:: The voice from off camera becomes slightly muffled and eventually gives up as Croc smiles with glee at the fact he has won::

Croc: On with the show... Now my first guest at this moment is a very big surprise... Not that he is on this show, because who wouldn't want to be on MY show... No he is surprising cause he finally won a title of importance... He is the former AWA Undisputed Champion... RIPPER!

:: The 'audience' begins to applaud as Ripper walks onto stage. He waves towards the cameras and walks across the stage towards the host. He shakes croc hand and sits down on a comfy looking chair to his left. ::

Ripper: Thanks for having me on your first show Croc.
Croc: Well we were desperate
Ripper: That and everyone else hates you
Croc: Jealousy really has crippled the AWA
Ripper: That and people still thinking that AJ is main event material
Croc: He's better than Hardcore Fred though
Ripper: You still havn't let the fact he helped found the Anti-Croc league go have you
Croc: Shittest storyline ever
Commercial!
Croc: Why in the hell did we have a commercial break then?
Ripper: I think the better question is why didn't we show anything in the commercial break. We still need to get sponsers.
Croc: Did we accidently show clips from your matches again?
Ripper: No. I think we just slipped in some hidden camera footage from backstage. And old BWA sketches.
Croc: Hopefully none of that ACL crap.
Ripper: I don't think so. I think there was some of you and Robbie Stallion though.
Croc: Yuk! Though that Abby was hot
Ripper: Yeah sure. Abby. Haircut.
Croc: There was nothing wrong with her haircut
Ripper: I meant yours.
Croc: Oh... Well fuck you and piss off!
Ripper: But we havn't even got to the interview yet
Croc: I've seen your in ring promos... This is probably for the best
Ripper: What are you talking about? I'm one of the best mic workers in this fed.
Croc: HA HA HA HA HA

:: Croc wipes some tears from his eyes::

Croc: Oh you weren't joking
Ripper: If I'm so terrible on the mic why am I so loved by the fans? eh?
Croc: Cause you name isnt simply your initials like AJ or MJ or BJ
Ripper: Who the hell is BJ?
Ripper: Is that one of your "Special" friends
Croc: No you idiot... He is the guy who does comedy before our shows to amp the crowd up
Ripper: "That waas comedy?"
Croc: Another great Timmy Draven initiative
Ripper: He shoulda stuck with the family lube business
Croc: So that's how Timmy knew him... It all makes sense now
Ripper: You should have known about Timmy Draven’s lube business. It was in my movie.
Croc: No matter what you try and claim, those stupid segments you did with Chris O’Neal were not movies… I fired the BWA producer after he allowed that rubbish to go on air.
Ripper: That was some of the highest rating segments in BWA history.
Croc: BWA fans were always morons
Ripper: Maybe… But they were excellent judge of characters as they always hated you.
Croc: That shows how retarded they were. I was the best thing in the BWA.
Ripper: No you were the best thing in the gay community, not the BWA
Croc: Enough! I am the host here… And it is time to say good-bye to Ripper everyone
Ripper: But I haven’t even been interviewed yet. You can’t kick me off
Croc: Yes I can. I am the host.
Ripper: That’s so not…

:: Music interrupts Ripper and bouncers come in and escort him off stage. Croc looks back to the camera::

Croc: Ladies and gentlemen… Our second guest I have not met. I am told by our shows talent scout that he is one of the biggest things ever to come to America since the Aussie Icon himself. He is simply known as Gregory Kennedy!

:: Music plays and Croc stands up to greet his second guest. A look of total disgust comes over Croc’s face as out walks Ripper with a stupid glasses and moustache mask on as a disguise::

Croc: What the crap is this?
Ripper: Hi… I am Gregory Kennedy. Nice to meet you Mister Croc
Croc: I know it is you Ripper.
Ripper: No you are mistaken. I am Gregory Kennedy
Croc: No you’re not. I can tell it is you Ripper. You even have that stupid English accent
Ripper: It’s Scottish you Australian swine
Croc: Scotland is just another state of England. Like France!
Ripper: Your level of geographical knowledge is on par with most of Timmy Draven’s pre-pubescent dates
Croc: I know it’s you Ripper… And I can prove it
Ripper: Go ahead. I am Gregory Kennedy!
Croc: How do you like my new haircut?

:: Ripper winces as he tries to hold back from his typical gay joke about Croc’s haircut::

Croc: My hairdresser Walter said it looks brilliant from behind

:: Ripper bites down on his finger to prevent himself but Croc can tell he is losing the battle::

Ripper: I can’t hold it any longer!

:: Ripper rips off the mask::

Ripper: Did he tell you that when he was slamming you from behind?::
Croc: I knew it was you… GET OUT!
Ripper: It was worth it!

:: The bouncers come back out and escort Ripper off stage. Croc takes a deep breath and looks back at the camera::

Croc: Sorry about that ladies and gentlemen… Well lets just go to the musical guest. They are a great new band with a big future… They are… THE VIRUS!

:: The camera cuts to the otherside of the room and a curtain drops and shows Ripper holding a plastic gutair, harmonica and a cow bell. ::

Croc: Oh hell no. That’s it. End of the show. Good night people and f**k you Ripper!

:: Croc waves at the camera before the cow bell comes flying in his direction and nearly hits him in the head. ::